Intj females and dating

intj females and dating

I call it “the pattern” because that is exactly what it is. I have been in a lot of relationships, mostly long-term and two marriages. Most of them failed for the same reason, thus “the pattern”.

They really do. They love that I give them their space, that I am independent, driven, have a pretty crass sense of humor, don’t get offended and most importantly, just don’t get jealous at all (unless there is a damn good reason, which is rare).

They also love that I am not “high-maintenance”, am not overly girly and don’t wear a whole lot of makeup. I am generally into a lot of things they are into as well and share a lot of common interests, all of which makes me an amazing friend. I am fit and have been told I am naturally pretty attractive…so what is the problem?

I am a rational human being by nature, so I can see a lot of things from another’s point of view. I am not a fighter, I have a skill for diplomatic conversation, so blow-out fights just don’t happen with me and my relationships take off well with both parties getting along great.

I have had this happen 1 month into a relationship, yet I have also had it happen 2 years into a relationship. I don’t know what triggers this question stage, but upon research, it seems to be related to general animal instincts.

…and so on. They are innocent questions that may sometimes arise in a suggestive form. This is my clue that the pattern is beginning. The man secretly wishes he had a woman that is more feminine or they may be intimidated by my intelligence.

Occasionally, clues to this may arise in the dating phase with comments such as, “You are so much smarter than me”. This is my cue to end it now. If they feel that way that early, then they will certainly take the path of the pattern.

After years of dating, being single and even more years of longer term relationships that have resulted in the pattern , I came to the conclusion that being single was the best choice for me. I embraced this, I was content and quite happy with my life and situation. There are many theories out there regarding the search for the mythical ‘perfect match’ for the INTJ female, you know, the match that won’t be threatened by our independence, drive, intelligence, rationale, lack of facade, unrelenting pickiness and other identifying traits of us rare females. I have tested quite a few of these potential MBTI matches, but often to no avail.

Naturally, when I wasn’t looking, I met my husband. I knew the second we spoke that he was an ENTJ and it was an ever-loving breath of fresh air. Interestingly enough, the ENTJ male has their own pattern of dealing with the typical woman, which they have exactly zero level of respect for. These rare men match our drive, equal (if not exceed) our intelligence, are brutally rational and (infinitely most important) take charge of their lives with a level of ‘manliness’ that just doesn’t exist in common society. The INTJ female is just as much of a breath of fresh air to them as they are to us.

The ENTJ male and INTJ female are the ultimate ‘power couple’ dynamic that us INTJ females desire. Each partner pursues their goals with undying passion (which is a problem in most relationships). Not only that, each one has the strength that matches the other’s weaknesses. Imagine having a version of yourself that has the gift of gab, the desire and ability to lead, get out of the house and take control of anything you desire to take control of. The INTJ female, who believes in the strength and passions of the ENTJ male, will utilize all of her back-end skills to make her man powerful, as he desires to be.

Some time ago, I was quoted as stating that “t he science I have yet to master is finding a man who is “manlier” than me (by their definition) and is not an asshole.” Well, the ENTJ male is the answer to this common INTJ female affliction. The ENTJ male needs the same exact things we do, first and foremost is a matched intelligence, followed by rationale, a desire for continued learning and self improvement and plenty of time to work alone or together in our separate and mutual endeavors. This is the only man who has seen me as “feminine” and treats me as such. As powerful as an INTJ female is, we need someone even more powerful. In my opinion, the ENTJ is the only type that matches this requirement. Period.

If you are an INTJ female, happily single and (by some strange act of God) thinking about braving the dating world again, I highly recommend giving the ENTJ male a go (assuming you can locate one). If the romantic connection is not there, I still guarantee intelligent conversation with someone who is at your level and you will acquire an amazing new friend in the process.

An INFJ's values have been honed over some time, deep within their own heads, and they may not be happy to share these. This can make it difficult to get close and may mean that other people see them as a bit strange or quirky. The INFJ would not see the need to alter this view and will generally work quietly until a value is transgressed. The problem is that INFJs are so complex, individualistic and un-forthcoming, that the other person may not realise that some value or deeply held belief has been transgressed and be quite surprised how sharply the INFJ can react and how outspoken, assertive and stubborn they can suddenly and uncharacteristically become.

Although at times strident and outspoken, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious ‘soul mates.’ While instinctively courting the personal and organisational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their close friends.

This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent ‘givers.’ As a pattern of behaviour, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood, particularly by those who have little experience with this rare character type.

Although quite gentle, and preferring to be out of the limelight, the INFJ will work long and hard behind the scenes to maintain harmony but they are also intensely independent - both of thought and spirit. This is a necessary escape valve for INFJs providing both time to rebuild their depleted energy and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent ‘givers.’

Because the INFJ is basically private, they will fight only on issues that really mean something to them and thus they can switch from being quiet to incredibly crusading, assertive and stubborn. All interactions, given the nature of the INFJ as champion and supporter, will eventually deplete their energies and they will need to recharge on their own, thinking deeply about issues and connecting the dots. 

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I have a working theory that every type in the Myers-Briggs system is integral to social ecology. It doesn’t matter if a specific type drives you crazy, they are necessary to keep us balanced as humans.

I mentioned in the article about INFPs vs INFJs that these two types are here to help us gain greater emotional intelligence, but they do so in slightly different (and necessary) ways.

The same could be said of INTPs and INTJs. Both types blow me away with their ability to manage extraordinary amounts of information while trying to avoid cognitive biases. I believe they’re both intended to question common sense to prevent mental stagnation.

(If you’re in the middle of trying to figure out whether or not you’re an INTJ or an INTP, remember that these aren’t intended to describe your individual interests or values, but rather how the two types are ‘wired’ differently.)

The Driver process can also be called the “dominant cognitive function.” It’s the mind’s first point of contact and the primary lens through which everything gets filtered.

Perspectives is a learning function (technically called a “perceiving function”), and works by watching one’s own mind form patterns. After years of use, eventually Perspectives begins to see the ‘pattern of the patterns’ and understands that what is happening inside of themselves cognitively is also happening for other people.

Accuracy is a decision-making function (technically called a “judging function”), and works by creating a framework and then sifting through all the data within that framework, scanning for incongruities and inconsistencies. Its ultimate goal is to find things that make sense to the user, and once clarity is gained then the INTP knows the right course of action to take.



INTJ Relationships | 16Personalities

After years of dating, being single and even more years of longer term relationships that have resulted in the pattern , I came to the conclusion that being single was the best choice for me. I embraced this, I was content and quite happy with my life and situation. There are many theories out there regarding the search for the mythical ‘perfect match’ for the INTJ female, you know, the match that won’t be threatened by our independence, drive, intelligence, rationale, lack of facade, unrelenting pickiness and other identifying traits of us rare females. I have tested quite a few of these potential MBTI matches, but often to no avail.

Naturally, when I wasn’t looking, I met my husband. I knew the second we spoke that he was an ENTJ and it was an ever-loving breath of fresh air. Interestingly enough, the ENTJ male has their own pattern of dealing with the typical woman, which they have exactly zero level of respect for. These rare men match our drive, equal (if not exceed) our intelligence, are brutally rational and (infinitely most important) take charge of their lives with a level of ‘manliness’ that just doesn’t exist in common society. The INTJ female is just as much of a breath of fresh air to them as they are to us.

The ENTJ male and INTJ female are the ultimate ‘power couple’ dynamic that us INTJ females desire. Each partner pursues their goals with undying passion (which is a problem in most relationships). Not only that, each one has the strength that matches the other’s weaknesses. Imagine having a version of yourself that has the gift of gab, the desire and ability to lead, get out of the house and take control of anything you desire to take control of. The INTJ female, who believes in the strength and passions of the ENTJ male, will utilize all of her back-end skills to make her man powerful, as he desires to be.

Some time ago, I was quoted as stating that “t he science I have yet to master is finding a man who is “manlier” than me (by their definition) and is not an asshole.” Well, the ENTJ male is the answer to this common INTJ female affliction. The ENTJ male needs the same exact things we do, first and foremost is a matched intelligence, followed by rationale, a desire for continued learning and self improvement and plenty of time to work alone or together in our separate and mutual endeavors. This is the only man who has seen me as “feminine” and treats me as such. As powerful as an INTJ female is, we need someone even more powerful. In my opinion, the ENTJ is the only type that matches this requirement. Period.

If you are an INTJ female, happily single and (by some strange act of God) thinking about braving the dating world again, I highly recommend giving the ENTJ male a go (assuming you can locate one). If the romantic connection is not there, I still guarantee intelligent conversation with someone who is at your level and you will acquire an amazing new friend in the process.